Me

I'm in a somewhat self-reflective mood right now and I know I've changed some and I don't like it. I remember right when I got saved I was so joyful and happy and humble. I gave a lot, and I was really interested in people and helping out. Ever since I've arrived at college that seems to have changed. I find myself really shelled up and I think it's because there's so much going around me that I'm not realy into. It's tough to see people for who they are because it seems like no one wants to be themselves. I can meet people and have the shallowest of conversations and it makes it difficult not to judge ya know?

So now I find that I complain, I'm irritable, and I guess I'm just tired and annoyed. I still haven't really found anyone I can talk about God to here. And maybe that's the thing. It's tough to focus on what's truly important to me... and that's an issue. I've been really thinking about starting this bible study with my buds and I think I really need to do it. I feel like it can only help and it would open up an avenue of which we all can express ourselves and actually learn about each other. I think the lack of consideration and kindness in a majority of the people I come in contact with is what's setting me off. I see sad displays of courtesy and noble character on a daily basis. That along with being sick more than being well is affecting my temperament. And it's not good.

I just want to be able to see people and smile and not judge and be open. I miss that about myself. I miss the time at home when it wasn't about me. When I made it so I can relate to everyone. I feel like people back home really listened to me. Maybe it's cause they could see how I changed when I got saved. I feel like when I'm here and I speak from my heart my peers don't hear me. They can't see how moved I am about certain things. There's a lot of people that are okay with trading in their morals or sacrificing their identities for attention. I wish my words would just mean something to somebody ya know? I've been hurt, I've been broken, I've been lost, I've been weary, and I've been burdened. I feel like I was made to help and to inspire, but I've been seeing less of that side of me and more of some other person I don't know. I just need to re-discover myself.

I can't wait for church tomorrow morning. Miss you Jesus.

Keep The Peace