Forgive Me

Dear God,

I'm sorry. To be honest I don't know what else to say. Nothing will ever change what happened to your son. Nothing will ever make right the wrongs that have been done. I'm sorry for not being the best me I can be for you. I'm sorry for not giving the way I should, for not caring the way I should, for not loving my neighbors. God I'm just sorry for being the one that whipped you, and spit on you, and put you up on that cross. I'm sorry for laughing at you and scorning you for the times when I didn't know how things were going to go. God I'm sorry for trying to take control, for questioning your ability to do great things. God I'm just sorry for still not understanding you, for not seeking you, for ignoring you. God I just don't get myself, and I just wish that didn't come in the way of accepting what you've done for me. Today as I sit here in front of a computer screen, I watch your son get beaten and whipped and mocked at. I watch my king of kings, my author and finisher of my faith, my God, get crucified. You walked alone, when no one else could, for me. Why did you do that? I'm in awe of the fact that you'd do that for me. I complain and I doubt and I cheat and I lie. Why would you ever do that for someone like me? It just hurts my soul to know that the way you've made me rich God, it hurts me to sit here in this room with food and shelter and clothing and money and stuff God. You put that all down and you received torture God. You laid down your life God for me. Why can't I give you mine in return Lord? Why can't I find it in myself to put my hands up and give you praise all hours of the day? Why can't I give a single shred of that kindness out to others Lord?

God I will never be able to fathom your love for me. I just won't, and I'm sorry I don't thank you every single second of my time on this earth for what you've done, but I just want you to know that I recognize your grace and I'm so sorry for straying God. I wish I could take back all the things I've ever done to displease you but I can't. But I want you to know that I'm gonna do better God, I'm gonna try harder, because who you are is enough. I want to do what you want me to do. I want to be what you want me to be. I want to give the way you gave. I want to smile the way you smiled. I want to see the way you see God, because you saw something greater in me. You saw something worth dying for that I can't see in myself God. And I don't know many things on this earth, but I know you. I know your heart for me, and I know my heart for you. God today and forevermore I want to and will do my best to honor you and give you praise. I pray that you'll give me the strength to overcome temptation, and I pray you will open up my eyes to see you in everything God. For you are life. Please allow me to be patient and to accept your children. I pray that you'll give me wisdom and allow me to grow so that I'll be able to humble myself before you and trust in you with selfless faith Lord. Allow me to feel fulfilled and know that your grace is enough God. More than anything Lord, I pray that I'll be attracted to your light and your will more than anything on this earth Lord. Please help me keep my eyes on the heavens God. Allow me to pour out your love upon other God. I'm sorry and I'm broken, but I know I was made for more God. Lift me up on the wings of eagles today Lord.
I give you all the honor and all the glory, because you alone are worthy. Thank you for your sacrifice, your love, and your grace.

Your Son,
Mervyn Egerton LeRoy Levy III