Pee Wee

I lived today. When I live I come back to the roots of what my life should be. In all honesty it should be about the journey right? That's all we have to hold on to.

I realized today that the biggest thing I respect in a friend is the ability to do what you say you'll do. Usually this comes up when that whole akward situation of bumping into someone you know in public happens and they're like, "aww we should catch up, i miss you". That's the tell tale sign of the fact that what they say will never happen. When this happens my response is usually the same, something consisting of, "I'm free all the time, just gimme a call when you wanna do something and we'll figure it out." Then they never call. And that's it.

Maybe I'm being a little selfish here, but I'm done missing people. I'm done trying, I'm done asking. Friendship shouldn't be pulling teeth. If you're too busy to chill then that's fine, but you don't have to lie to me. It's not going to hurt my feelings, it's reality. And to be honest, I know a nice group of people that enjoy having me around and I'm so blessed to have them. I'm better off without those people that really don't care about me.

I went to lunch today with a friend I haven't really talked to in a couple months. We never went to high school, we never sat down and talked for more than 5 minutes. This guy's a busy man. Yet literally at 10 last night he asked if we were gonna chill before I left, I said I leave tuesday but we should get something together before then if you're free, he said yea sure, I said you down for tomorrow, he said yea. And today we met up and had lunch. It wasn't anything intense, but I appreciated his word. He drove out to my side of town just to eat. That in itself was excellent. Not saying that I expect less, but maybe I should expect more from other people. It's not tough to set aside an hour or two of your day for someone. It wasn't even the conversation which made my day, but just the fact that I got to chill with him one on one and he went out of his way to make it out here was nice. That's what friends do. Friends listen, they ask questions, they see how you're doing, they sacrifice, they love you. I needed that today. I needed hope, and that little bit of joy put me in a better mood for the rest of the day. I need the inspiration and the energy. Just seeing Kaitlyn learning how to play guitar made me wanna retry learning how to play harmonica. If I get that down then I think It'd be really fun to play some music with all these guitar playing friends. I love these people.

I think this past year I've realized in general that I really don't need that much. I don't need an excess of anything, because it always just seems to lead to waste. I have wonderful friends at home that I've been lucky enough to see a bunch of times, and i don't really feel like I've missed out on anything. It feels good to be loved for the right reasons.

:)