I think the biggest thing for me was knowing that home was still there for me to come back to. Knowing that people remember you, and think about you, and miss you. That was a beautiful thing. High school was different too. Stepping into that building once again was so refreshing. To walk around and just observe and feel and remember without prejudice. No more were my travels tainted with the stress of AP classes which really weren't that hard anyway. Everything that I saw was shrank down into a bite size experience that I could appreciate. I was so glad to be in my room, to be back at church, to see the promising faces of the future... I guess this sounds pretty crazy but I'm in love with Ashburn and what it had to offer me. If you're a senior right now and reading this you might be freaking out and forming your own debates to contradict my love for Ashburn but just wait 'til you're forced into a melting pot with a bunch of people you don't know. You feel apart of something great yet extremely alone at times. Some days you'll just crave that familiarity, that smile, that joke from your physics teacher, that hill that you've been longboarding on the past two years, that hug from your neice, those eyes of love from your mother. Those pieces of my life are priceless and they are only at home.
The silence of the suburbs is un-parallel to anything up here in Oakland. I couldn't even sleep for the first few hours I went to bed because my room was extremely quiet. I miss having my own room, my own space, that quiet. I remember the countless times I could just go to the basement and pray, and think, and just feel. Those days are gone. The closest I get to that is waking up early Sunday morning, putting in my earplugs to drown out my roommate's snores and trying to focus on my thoughts. My young brothers and sisters, please don't take home for granted. I know college apps and all that stuff is adding stress upon your already mentally taxing workload but step back from your own struggles and realize the beauty of this time in your life. I never thought I'd be saying this but I really do miss senior year at times. I miss that school. I miss home.
Being able to come home allowed me to just set my mind right. Seeing all the kids at youth group that I've shared my faith for God with was just a blessing. To come back home and be welcomed and greeted with smiles and hugs was awesome. Looking into the hearts of young people and seeing so much promise makes me extrememly happy. These are the people that I look at and just see positivity, grace, and love flowing from their hearts into the world. I'm so blessed to have been a part of such a great group of people. You guys have changed my life and have given me a new beginning. Your passion has inspired mine and I'm truly grateful for having such an awesome fellowship with you all.
This is what home is to me. It's a place where I can come and be free. I can breathe that Virginia air and remember what's important to me. I remember that my family and friends are always there for me. I remember that I'm not just a number or a name, I have an identity and I have a purpose. Regardless of how much money I have or what grades I get, I'll do my best and I'll make it. If God is with me then what will stand against me? I've rediscovered the simple and more beautiful things this life has to offer. I've seen the ugly and less desireable things and I know that I don't have to be that. I have an identity, I know who I am. That is the most beautiful feeling. I know overall what I need. I need compassion, and grace, and patience, and forgiveness, and love. God sees me, he acknowledges me, he gives me hope, he gives me peace, he gives me strength, he honors my attempts, he holds me accountable, he blesses me undeservingly, he lights my path, he wakes me up every morning, he heals my disease, he gives me victory, he opens my eyes to see, he moves my heart to love, he opens my soul to feel, he gives me wisdom, he weeps for my transgressions, he takes pride in me as a son, he carries me, he humbles me, he believes in me, he pushes me, he KNOWS me. I am so blessed to be sitting here in a cold room surrounded by a bunch of strangers on the 4th floor of Tower A in the town of Oakland at the University of Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania speaking to you over the internet today. I've come to spread the good news and to tell you that God is good. If you struggle, if you hurt, if you find yourself with nowhere to turn, if nothing fixes your heart, if you find life to be too much at times, if you've lost the ability to smile in light of your struggles, if you're confused, or if you feel like you don't have a purpose... welcome to the club. If anyone wants to talk about anything just lemme know. I love you all and miss every single one of you. Once again thanks for reading and stop by facebook to say hello if we haven't talked in a little :)
Keep The Peace
I love you all... thank you so much Cal!!!!
I'm so disappointed that I missed your visit, man. We'll make sure to meet up the next time you come around. It really has been too long.
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