My thoughts in short, simple sentences.

-My room is really big.
-My house is really quiet.
-I miss having my own shower.
-Where do people go when life is too much and they don't know Jesus?
-I can't wait to see my high school teachers tomorrow.
-Thank the Lord for getting me home safely in that rain.
-It's interesting how you see the world with such optimism when your heart is right.
-Thank you Jesus for a 3 1/2 hour praise session on the way home.
-I can't wait to see my baby neice in the morning.
-Home never felt so good.

Keep The Peace

Today I've been given the idea that change can happen at anytime. I believe it. Today will mark the day where I will go about fixing some things. I know I'm not alone but it's funny how your knowledge of facts never make the overcoming of certain adversaries any easier. But today I will overcome. Today I will finally hold myself accountable. Today I will be stronger. I forget how short this life is. I should live one day at a time and give all I have to God. Even though I'm not perfect, God will use me. I have been chosen.

So today is the day God. I'm going to give this one up to you. I know you respond to action so I am going to do my very best (for real this time) to stay on top of this and be faithful to you. I pray you give me the strength to press on when I don't feel you. I pray you give me the wisdom to recognize temptation and deception and take joy in the fact that you said that these troubles are opportunities to grow in faith. I pray that you'd give me the power to over come. You are God, and it's time for me to be humbled.

In your son's name.

Why can't i feel the way i feel when I worship all the time?
Why can't every morning be sunday morning?

:(

I need you Father.

Sometimes

Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I smile,
Sometimes I dream for awhile.

Sometimes I hurt, sometimes I cry,
Sometimes I close my eyes.

Sometimes I see, sometimes I hear,
Sometimes I fear what's near.

Sometimes I hope, sometimes I dream,
Sometimes I'm in between.

Sometimes I love, sometimes I hate,
Sometimes I perpetrate.

Sometimes I help, sometimes I lie,
Sometimes I don't know why.

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I know,
Sometimes I go with the flow.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see nothing.
Sometimes I can't recognize myself.
Sometimes my own words feel like poison.

Sometimes I just need someone.
Sometimes the only thing I hear is my own echo.

Sometimes I wonder why the silver lining couldn't be gold.

Sometimes I wanna just turn my head off.

Sometimes Egey... is Egey's worst enemy.

Sometimes...

The Strip

Today the squad (Biggame, Trav, Michael, Deanna) and I went to this area in Pittsburgh called The Strip. It's pretty much a market area where vendors and people sell a bunch of stuff. There was this one guy there selling bread and he was just super chill. His bread was incredibly cheap and it was really good. He was really funny too and just drew people in by being nice and loud and just enjoying himself. At this place I could just see all the pride that people have in what they do. These people enjoy who they are and what they're good at. They love interacting with others and sharing their art with the world. It was such a beautiful day and everything felt so pure and right. This is how life should be. People should find something they love whether it's making bracelets, baking bread, or frying doughnuts and just share it with they world. When I look at life that way everything becomes so positive and simple. I really love it here.

I could use some good Bible verses tonight. I miss my heart.

I've been struggling to make friends with my roommate. He's really nice and all which is cool, but something about him really irritates me. I think it's the culture gap more than anything. Little things that I used to think were funny are now just annoying. I know I'm not supposed to be best friends with everyone, but it would be nice if i wasn't just so irritable ya know? Communication is just so hard because everything is so slow and his mindset about life and other things are just so much different than mine. I just feel like I'm being intruded on all the time. Which isn't true at all and he's not doing anything mean, I just have never settled with him since day one. We're just WAY different. And it just bugs me being that I'm around him everyday ya know?

Does anyone have any suggestions? I've been praying about it and I don't want to feel this way about it but I do. My heart just hurts, I feel like I've lost patience and that's not good. I want to love people, but it's tough. I don't know how Jesus did it. That's why He's my saviour. He probably looks at me and thinks the same thing sometimes. Whenever I keep falling back into this habitual sin. I just want my head to turn around. I need to soften up again. This whole college thing has made my feelings somewhat internalize. Maybe it's cause I feel like I can't just vent to somebody anymore. All my best buds aren't here. I wish I could just see them face to face. I could use some honesty right now. Anyways I'm gonna go look and pray for some wisdom. Hopefully this weekend I can dance my socks off and get closer to God. I hate feeling lost.

I love and miss my friends more than anything. I miss you FE.

Keep The Peace

9/22/10

I'm so blessed I don't know what to do. This past week I've forgotten that. Sometimes while I'm here I forget why I'm here. I forget that I'm just passing through... this moment is just a blink in my life's continuum. I've been away from God this past week. I hate that feeling. It's like being away from your best friend when you need them most. You're just lost. My life has changed so much. Things feel meaningless without God. God if you're reading this, I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I know my time should be better spent and I need to focus here.

I just want to make people dance ya know? That's what I'm good at. I want people to feel the positivity and the passion in music. Music is just so therapeutic to me. I can just unwind and fall into a world where everything just moves and grooves. I wish people were open to feel that. I wish we would just close our mouth sometimes and just feel. Just move like we were supposed to move. There's so much rigidity in the world. People expect us to see and expect us to look and expect us to think and expect us to feel a certain way. I feel like we're so chained up sometimes that we've lost our ability to break free. It's not okay to stick out anymore for the wrong reasons. Why is that? I wanna know but I sorta don't. Even if I did know that won't change anything, it starts with how we live our lives I guess. I want to make people happy. I want to make people happy just by being me. If I can't make you happy then I'm sorry, but atleast you've seen me for me ya know? I love people.

Keep The Peace

(that picture is awesome isn't it!)

Nuggeteer

I guess I've decided I like college. The more I'm here the more comfortable I'm becoming. I find it extremely hard to concentrate on work though. Time seems elusive. I'm starting to realize that life is so fragile. Not just in the idea of life and death but deeper than that. Feelings, actions, words, thoughts... they all affect people. I'm starting to see that a lot of what people do either affects how I think or how I feel. Many times I'm either turned on or off. I think I really have an idea of what I want ya know? It's pretty crazy how there's a million fish in the sea and I'm just looking for one that I want to be mine. Maybe it's lame to still believe in love but I think it's out there. I really just don't want to settle. Does anyone feel like looking for a relationship is like a job? Well I've quit. Looking just makes me want tired. When I'm tired I'll settle for anything. I guess I'll wait. Story of my life... I'll just wait.

I really don't wanna be that guy that just talks about himself, but it's been awhile and I think I'd like to let everyone know the good and bad that has been going on in my life lately:

Good-
God
The Squad
Ho-lland ladies
DJing
Smiling
La Roux
Chex Mix
Turtles

Bad-
Sickness

TO be honest, when you think about it, life is what it is. I've found myself thinking a lot more lately, "What am I doing". Which I guess is good? That's how life should be. It's so much more exciting when you can't see over the edge but you dive in faith knowing that you'll land among the clowds and float your way towards greatness. Or failure? Who cares, I just want to jump. Let's get out of our boxes brothers and sisters. I need to love more. I'm slackin. I have this crush on the worship leader at my new church. When was the last time you saw a girl with a beautiful voice that has a heart for God that can play the piano or the guitar and sing at the same time. I love girls that can sing. I love classy church girls too. Anyhows I'm tired, and I finally got my post-its so I should be able to start my happiness campaign this week. I'll take a couple phone pics and post them up in the near future. I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Keep The Peace

I turned in my 1st late assignment last night. I'm just not used to turning things in on the internet. It sucks that college life is so much fun yet I'm still doing what seems to be pointless work. Why do I have to pay money for general education requirements? Blah blah blahhh

He giveth, and He taketh away.

Today was the first home game of the season. I brought my Jamaica backpack which has become a signature of Mervyn to the game which had my water, a redbull, my Bible, some mints, a headband, some socks etc. It's pretty much my little survival bag. As I went to enter the game the gate guards said I couldn't bring it in, while girls with larger purses and kids with sling backpacks walked in. I've never been so pissed in my life. My only options were to leave the backpack outside and try to find it when the game is over or go back to the dorms and put it away. Obviously I took choice number 1 since the game was starting soon and at the end I didn't get it back.

At first I was really bent about it. That Bible was given to me from my church as a graduation present and it was really nice. But as I thought about it more and more, I just realized that I gotta let it go. I'm so blessed that I have another bible sitting in my room ya know? And that bag didn't define me as a person. I have so much and I shouldn't let myself get so pissed off about a couple worldly items ya know? Life isn't about that stuff anyway. The more I thought about this the better I felt about it. I remember a time not too long ago when something like this would really tick me off. I'm glad I've matured a little bit to understand that those items weren't going to come with me when I die anyways. Life goes on, and I'm glad it does.

Keep The Peace

This college life is tough. Nothing seems real. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo or something, just with a bunch of work and other people. I miss that family feeling. I guess I miss home. I dunno I just want to see my neice. She's growing up and I'm not there. This is cool and all and I'm really excited, but it'd be nice to visit. I miss my church. Some things about your life were just getting nice and then-- it's just different. Maybe I just need some sleep. I just want to be in my own bed again. Just for a day. Today is one of the few days I miss Stone Bridge, my childhood, my life. I'm gettin old. I'll be 18 in a month. It sucks how time flies...

Mighty deliverer, triumph and truth

Love this song.

I feel like free bus transportation just gives me a reason to get lost for countless hours outside of the 'Burgh. I wish I could film the adventures of the four black guys stuck in abandoned steel mill territory, but for now it's just a story.

Jehovah Rapha

God is so beautiful you know. He always knows what I need, all the time. I will never be able to understand how the things in my life pan out. Just in case you've ever doubted God's ability to singlehandedly influence your life, I think this story might tell you other wise.

So about 2 weeks ago during the first week I was on campus, they had some vendors set up in the quad that had some info. Me, being the new college student I was, was obviously looking for some free stuff. As I walked around to a table setup there were people sitting there that were a part of the Oakland Neighborhood Partnership Program. I have no idea what these people do, but I picked up a little square map and guide that they had sitting there. So I've had this map and guide for the past 2 weeks and I haven't used it yet, until this past saturday when were looking for a bus to catch to get somewhere. As I opened up the map and guide I noticed that there were no bus routes on it but instead there were just local listings of shops and organizations around. Me being dissapointed that there was no help in this map for the bus information I needed at that time, I closed it and put it in my back pocket. As we were coming back from the mall we stopped by my friend's girlfriend's campus downtown. It was saturday night and the talk of what church we were going to go to Sunday morning came up since I was supposed to do research and I didn't. At this time I reached in my back pocket to look at the map to see what was on it and I noticed that under the Locate Community Services category they had churches. As I started to look down all the listings there was only one church name that stood out as something that could be more contemporary that fit my liking. The name of this church is North Way Christian Community Oakland and it just so happened that is was 4 blocks away!

I pulled up their site on my phone and read their description and my heart immediately got excited. They also have a 9:00 service which I love because that's the same time my church services started back home. When Sunday morning came around we walked down there and saw the seemingly small building where this service was going to take place. Stupid me, I was walking and drawing conclusions to how this church would look on the inside, but of course, God was ready to surprise me. We walked in and we were greeted by some incredibly nice people and sat down near the back row. As praise and worship began I was impressed and very optimistic. As service moved on and the message was finished they had a little more praise and worship at the end. At this little praise session is when my song came on. This was a song that we had sung at my church at home a couple times and I always love it. The lyrics go:

"I believe, you're my healer.
I believe, you are all I need.
I believe, you're my portion.
I believe, you're more than enough for me.
Jesus you're all I need."

The song name is Healer. It's so simple but it just connected with me and I felt at home. God lifted me up in a totally foreign place. He started leading me to this very place two weeks ago as he guided my steps to that little table and pushed me to pick up that little map guide for a totally different reason than what I had expected. God literally led me to my new church that is within walking distance of my school. Isn't it just crazy how he works? How the heck does he do that!? God confirmed it with a song and just gave me peace and joy. I just felt at home. I didn't even have to do anything.

I love the Hebrew meanings of the words in the bible. I feel like they better encompass the meaning of the text. The Hebrew reference to God as healer is "Jehovah Rapha", meaning "The God who heals". God is just incredible. The way he moves subconsciously through our lives is undeniable. And I will never be able to understand why I deserve his grace and his favor. I'm everything but perfect yet he still leads me. I'm so blessed to call him my God. Things like this just tell me he's there and he hears my cries. Thank You.

9/3/2010

I'm just gonna jump to the point here. I feel like a lot of what I've been reading lately from friends, whether it be on blogs or over facebook, is about life situations that have been thought about too much to the point where they become an issue. Overanalyzation I feel is a big problem and I think that we let our minds defeat our joy and ultimately ourselves when we keep digging a deeper hole ya know? I also think that this type of action or reaction comes from us being reliant in some way on something, whether we know it or we don't. We start to believe that that one situation or that one person plays an incredible role in defining us when the fact of the matter is that we have free choice to control our aspirations and our dreams. And not to be too blunt, but if that situation or person is not lining up with who you are and what your heart is, then you have the right to let that situation or that person go. People, we have free will. You are the only one that controls your ability to feel happy or sad. Yes, outside factors do influence this but all in all, you have this power. Even when all of Job's family was taken away, the first thing he did was get down on his knees and worship God. He said something along the lines of, "I was naked when I came into this earth and I'll be naked when I leave." That's nuts, but at the same time he has his mind right ya know?

We battle our brains and our morals and our this and our that and sometimes we forget to live. We forget how precious a human life is. We forget how people look up to us. We get into this tunnel vision and we think we're trapped. This one guy at my orientation said something like this, "Life is 90 percent good and 10 percent crap, but a lot of the time we find that ten percent taking up 100 percent of our time." This is so true. I wish people could just see that there is so much more out there than what we can immediately encounter. If the guy or girl you're with doesn't line up with your heart then it's okay, you don't have to spend your life trying to change them. People are people regardless of which way you cut the cake. College has allowed me to observe this and it's really interesting how you start to just see things that you just don't want. And that's okay! I just feel like someone needs to hear this.

Case and point: whatever is going on with you or around you is life. Just life. Things happen, things come and they go. But don't let this one situation or person begin to change who you are. You are a prize, let your light shine true and allow yourself to be you. People may dig you or hate you for it, but give them the right to. Everyone doesn't have to like you, cause in the end only a few are even there for you anyways. Be strong and have faith, because whatever it is that is consuming you, God will bring you through.

Keep The Peace