I'm sorry I haven't had anything great to say lately. My head's confused. I haven't been making time for God and that's the issue. I don't know what's going on but it's not good. I think I'm just gonna go out and take a lot of pictures today. Maybe with a friend, and sing his praise, and try to just appreciate this world and this life the correct way. I've just been everywhere but in the right place. I just need to get away for a minute.

1st night of halloween sucked. I'm not a big fan of halloween anyways and seeing some super sloppy men and women last night was interesting to say the least. It's too cold up here for skimpy costumes anyways even though I thought my costume was pretty groovy. Anyways I'm spinning a halloween party tonight and getting paid. It's gonna be an awesome time and I'm just pumped to make people dance and chill with my boys. That's all I like to do. I hope everyone's been safe this past week and to be honest I just can't wait for Sunday morning. I need to get in his presence and figure myself out. Cause I suck right now.

Keep The Peace

grace undeserved... i'll never fully understand.

i just want this cd.

I guess I'm in that spot again. I hate struggling against myself but that's how it always seems to pan out. I get away from God for a couple days and my mind just falls apart. I know that's how it's supposed to be, but maybe now's the time to really recommit myself. I don't know what to do, I feel like somethings you just gotta do for you. Maybe this is one of those? I can't tell, it's hard to figure out what I need cause I'm me. I trick myself. I guess it's time to go soul searching again, I just need a space of my own. Somewhere outside where I can just talk and not be weird. Maybe do some yelling? I feel like my mind needs to just be releaved. Ehh I'll figure it out. If any of you all pray I could use one. Sometimes you just need to know that someone's thinking about you, someone on this Earth wants to help. I'm lost for now, but I'll keep looking. The sun always seems to shine regardless of how bad the storm was.

"Don't Worry, Super Freak"

Home. Again.

I love it here. As I lay on my bed in my basement listening to Bobby McFerrin and Rick James on vinyl and stare at my new snowboard I'm just happy. I'm extremely blessed. I'm so excited for the future. I love this.

There's nothing like the sound of vinyl. It's so warm and just rich. Holding one of my favorite songs that was pressed onto this timeless material over 20 years ago is just awesome. I can't wait 'til I'm an old man and have an awesome vinyl collection that I can just sit down and enjoy. I love it.

Homesick. This song has the best lyrics I've heard in awhile. They're just perfect.



I lose some sales
and my boss won't be happy
but I can't stop listening to the sound
of two soft voices blended in perfection
from the reels of this record that I found

every day there's a boy in the mirror
asking me
what are you doing here
finding all my previous motives
growing increasingly unclear

I travelled far and I burned all the bridges
I believed as SOON as I hit land
all the other
options held before me
WILL wither in the light of my plan

so I lose some sales
and my boss won't be happy
but there's only one thing on my mind
searching boxes underneath the counter
on a chance that on a tape I'd find

a song for
someone who needs somewhere
to long for

homesick
cause I no longer know
what home is

I love home.

Keep The Peace

I feel like one day I'm gonna finally make the jump to tumblr. It just seems so much more legitimate. Ehhh... iunno.

I can't concentrate today, I'm sick, I have a midterm in 2 hours, and I still don't wanna study. I just wanna sleep. Does anyone know of any extremely goofy happy songs right now? I could use one of those right now. It's funny how I get sorta naive about life yet I'm still happy. I like that. I found a new awesome blog today. I like that too. Today's good. Thank the Lord for the smile on my face :D.

Keep The Peace

Hey Now, Hey Now

This has been stuck in my head the past couple of days. I've never even seen this movie. HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA, life is so jolly :D.

10/19/10

I sort of have an issue with the English language. I feel like there's not enough words to express certain types of intent. Or maybe I'm just annoyed with the word why, and why everytime it comes up I am searching for something that I can't exactly find. There should be another question word that we use to distinguish between something that we can't exactly answer concretely I think. Questions that we can't back up with science or facts. Just so everybody's on the same page, so people understand how abstract or incomprehendible (sp) something may be.

Usually when I overanalyze my whys it's only to later realize that I'll never get anywhere with them. That somethings I'll never understand fully ya know? I think that's sorta cool. If we knew everything then I feel like life wouldn't be interesting. Things wouldn't have their value, and I feel like life would be minimized to a series of events with no more meaning than what the textbook gives it. Life would be a formula. You do this and this and you'll get this. I like the world like it is because there's so much room for reflection, interpretation, and change.

I'm just so happy to know people. I'm so blessed to be in a place where I can be me, and people accept that. I'm so happy to be in a place where people are interested in what I'm about. Jocelyn... you're an awesome person. I don't know what other people have said but you have a good mind and a good heart, and I hope you're happy and if you're looking for something I hope you find it.

This place feels like home more everyday. I'm glad I'm not judged by those close to me. Nothing beats the Squad and my Holland family. You people make being here so much awesomer.

God, today I'm really thankful for you. For showing up in my life. For lighting my path, for leading me. Thank you for not giving up on me, for forgiving me, for loving me. Thank you for giving me a heart for people, for bringing to me awesome friends, and for allowing me to grow. I don't know how you do it, I don't know what tomorrow brings, but what I do know is that everyday I choose to push you out I lose myself. Thanks for giving me purpose and identity. Thank you for finally making me happy, for making me content with my mind and for conquering my troubles. Thank you for giving me a reason to smile, a reason to cry, a reason to breathe, a reason to laugh, love, and live. I'm so happy to be alive today.

Keep The Peace

Well I just found the stats on this thing and it just stunned me at how much/many people look at what I write. I've had views from 7 countries this past week, and over 12 countries in my whole blogging time. My page was visited 399 times last month. What a blessing that is! I can't believe my words would ever reach so far as Slovenia or Denmark. I find that totally mind boggling. People have viewed this blog on blackberries, ipads, iphones etc. That's just so nuts. It makes me really happy :). It really is about the little things in this world. The individuals, the souls of our neighbors. Those who are close to me illuminate the night of possibilities to reveal the shining stars that glow within every sky of darkness. There is beauty all around. Sometimes we just have to bring ourselves down, open our eyes, and be thankful for this world. Be thankful for the people. And be thankful for the gift of life, the emancipation of our souls, and the thrill of truly living.

Keep The Peace

Serving

Today was awesome, I had some chill classes and at church they had a worship and baptism service. There's nothing like the feel of worship, and just giving up your burdens and your stress and just thanking God for being God. Thanking him for intervening on my pitiful life and giving me substance and substantiality and identity. Oh how I miss Him when I'm away. It's sad how I always have to remind myself of how good and awesome and loving He is. Life just seems like nothing without Him, and I owe my all to his work.

Along with an awesome worship service I got into some pretty deep conversations about religion and life in general. Sometimes I feel bad cause when I talk about God it seems so foreign to people and they never seem to comprehend what I'm saying or how great God has affected my life. I always find myself talking and talking and I just wish people could feel what I feel. Just that feeling of being at one with who you are, knowing that regardless of what you do you'll make it. Your life will mean something. I love that feeling.

So one of the topics that I kept coming around to regarding life and not knowing things and living aimlessly was serving. There's something strong in my heart that's telling me that serving is really all that matters. Helping others and giving my skills and time and influence to fellow humans seems to be the only thing that satisfies my soul. I feel like if I don't do anything else with my life, I'd be happy just to talk to young people. I feel like we get everything sugar coated until we get to high school. I know we're not mature enough to understand certain things before then, but at the same time we've been somewhat brainwashed to believe that a life worth living is defined by something. We lose the concept that our life is our life ya know? We start buying into this whole continuum of being Americans or catalysts to society and what not and we then suppress our hearts. We let go of the child in us... that part that allows us to be free and to dream and to believe. We become concrete and cold to circumstances that don't fit our framework of how our lives should be; when honestly, life is life, it is what it is.

I'm not gonna sit here and say I miss the days when things were simple and yada yada yada, because I don't. I don't even remember what I was all about before I found Jesus, and I'm not gonna lie, my life became harder when I submitted myself to God. But there is something to be said about the tranquility, grace, and wisdom received from the king of kings. He gives me confidence to walk in darkness, he lifts me up and gives me strength when I'm weary, he literally is my physical, mental, and emotional healer. He keeps my heart in check and allows me to grow and learn. It is such a beautiful thing being alive. Being able to look at something not so good and have a reason to be happy. Looking at a tough situation and saying, "God, this one's all you". That's so beautiful. I know these are just words but it's so much more to me. I hope someday, regardless of what you believe, you'll have this feeling of atonement. The feeling of being satisfied. Finally not having to search this barren Earth for your next fix. I'm so happy I can look at my life and say, "This is great, this is what living is." That's special.

Keep The Peace

10/14/10

Today consisted of studying, punishing a test I thought I wasn't ready for, getting a B and an A- on my first two papers, buying a new video game, chilling with friends, and buying a used Bobby Mcferrin vinyl that has "Don't Worry Be Happy" on it.

I'd say today was a great success. Thanks God for making me smarter than I give myself credit for. Thank you God for always showing up. I wish I was as faithful and consistent as you.

-Egey

100

This is my 100th post. I never really thought I would be here. I feel like that's how things work in life, you jump in expecting one thing and by the time you get somewhere you actually forgot what you expected in the first place. We make a big ol' ruckus about how we think things should go and how worried we are if we don't make this or we don't get in here. And always... without question... we always end up where we should be. We always end up in a place where we can grow. I think that's crazazazy!

So the past 6 hours I've been cramming for this history mid-term, which i will most likely fail sadly, but for some reason I try really hard to do well. I wish I could just try that hard all the time and focus my time better. I'm just worn out a lot of the time ya know? After a long day of doing classwork the last thing you want to do is review all that crap that you've been going through all day. But that probably would've helped a lot. Either way it is what it is, I'm gonna do my best and I think I've learned a lot and I've only missed a half of reading so we'll see. I don't think college history is for me though.

I read this today on facebook in someone's prof info and it made me angry:

"When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind."
-Jiddu Krishnamurti

I don't think that's true at all. I think the carnal nature of mankind's mind breeds violence. I think the natural pride in human beings breeds violence. It's not the fact that we identify ourselves, it's the fact that someone always has to have more pie than someone else. That's why there's fighting within groups... tribes fought within their tribes for respect and for mates. It has nothing to do with calling yourself something besides the name that you've been given. Pride breeds violence, nothing else. People need to stop blaming things on the labels and just take a look in the mirror. We all have desires, we all have parts of ourselves that we don't want to talk about, we all have some type of dream or goal. Sometimes there's other things in the way of that goal whether they be people etc. We make our own goals at times have more priority over those people, so we go up at their expense. It's because of who we are, it's our own flesh, not because of a label. People need to understand that, and if you want to fight me feel free, I don't care, but we need to stop this pointing fingers and saying it's your fault because you say you're different and poopy hoopy doopy. I could go on and talk about how Jesus isn't a religion, and how he's concerned with mankind as a whole but that'd take up way too much space and hurt way too many feelings for some reason.

Anyways that's it, wish me luck... please?

Keep The Peace

ps. Angela, you rock. You're real, and I respect that a lot.

pss. Happy Birthday Michaela!! You're so wise my friend, I love reading your stuff. I hope you have a great 20th :)

psss. Congrats Lynns on winning your contest! Your photos came out awesome! You deserve it.

pssss. Home next weekend? I think yessssssssss!!!

Thumbs up for new snowboard coming soon also :D

alright im done.

Icee

There's always a point that you get to where you figure out that you're somewhat in control. I always forget that I have the ability to influence myself. The way we look upon situations can be controlled by us ya know? I think that's what this day is giving me right now. I got a lot of stuff to be stressed about. I know some things aren't right. I know that, but it's about perspective. I think it's about looking at the mountain and realizing I have the strength to conquer it if I choose. And as people we need to understand that conquering it is defined by us, not the world. We are invaluable. That's how I feel today. I need a revelation in my mind, and from that revelation love needs to come from my heart. HOPE is what matters. As long as we have hope, we have life. As long as we long for something greater, as long as we long for peace, we Thrive.

I'm 18 today 8-)

update 10/11/10

I haven't posted in a while. I don't really know why, I think it's just because my head has been doing more talking than my heart. My thinking hasn't been going through my heart filter lately and I don't like that. I've been talking different and thinking differently and it's not good. I don't really feel like myself so I guess that's why I haven't been writing. I really do miss my space, a lot. Sometimes you just don't want people in you're room you know. My room at home was my sanctuary. That's where I went to get away from it all and to hear myself really think. That's gone now. Regardless I still love Pittsburgh, I enjoy this school, and my friends are pretty cool cats for the most part.

This weekend has been pretty nuts I guess. Friday me and my boys attempted to go to a frat and party. I don't really like frats up here, and we haven't felt the desire to check out a frat party in a while. The parties just seem weak. The music stinks, they run out of beer too early so friends don't want to stay, and they also try to charge me 5 dollars when I don't drink. Coooool guy. Anyways we just rolled back to the room and chilled. It's weird going out sometimes. I'm not really into dancing, and the girls here at night get a little suspect along with the guys. I guess I'm more into observing and just listening to music and talking. Sometimes you just wanna be out ya know? Well friday night sucked.

Saturday was cool. We went to the mall with some friends. Found a sick sale at Gap and picked up some goodies. Then I spun my first college party at a friend's house we met at a football game. This was probably the sickest party of this month no lie. I've never had so much fun at a party, and I've never seen so many people come through a house over such a long period of time. There were two kegs and they were gone within an hour. That house made bank that night and there were still kids coming in and out after 12. It was a banger, the kids were dancing, and the floor was bumpin. I like being behind the music a lot more. I love when kids can appreciate what I work hard to do and have fun. I'm glad I finally got to show people what I can do. Such a fun nght.

Sunday we went to South Side and Squirrel Hill and bought some stuff. We went to the exchange where they have all these used cds and stuff and sell them really cheap. I bout Enema of the State, Will Smith's Willenium, and a breakbeat cd for a dollar each. That's frackin awesome! I also bought my first record today. It's a Rick James record that has both super freak and give it to me baby on it. There's just nothing like vinyl. It's history. It just sounds so warm ya know? So I can't wait to play that when I get home. Sunday night we watched Stomp The Yard and Whip It with the squad. I don't really feel comfortable going out on Sunday night. It's God's day. Not saying that every day isn't but the rhythm of Sunday doesn't match those of Friday and Saturday.

Things have been pretty good I guess. My birthday's tomorrow. Midterms are coming up and it's time to crack down. I miss my friends from home a little right now since everyone was home on break. Sometimes I just want a Kathryn hug, or a smack from Chloe, or a dap from Sean. I love those kids. Anyways I just miss God more than anything. I miss my peace. I miss the positivity in my heart. I need to do some work with Him this week. I need to get back in my Bible and seek some things for myself. I haven't been self-evaluating and it leaves me somewhat dry. I need to write some letters too. I'm so sorry to all of you that have written me. I just got envelopes and stamps this past weekend and I've had 3 papers due. I'll write you all after I finish this. If you read this far than I just wanna say thanks for letting random thoughts come into your life for this short period of time. I still feel somewhat relieved after I write something like this. I hope everyone's having a great fall. I miss you all and I hope to hear from and see you guys soon.

Keep The Peace





these are some pics of the setup saturday night... and trav

Home sweet home

My first visit home from college was this past weekend, and I must say it worked on my heart a little bit.

I think the biggest thing for me was knowing that home was still there for me to come back to. Knowing that people remember you, and think about you, and miss you. That was a beautiful thing. High school was different too. Stepping into that building once again was so refreshing. To walk around and just observe and feel and remember without prejudice. No more were my travels tainted with the stress of AP classes which really weren't that hard anyway. Everything that I saw was shrank down into a bite size experience that I could appreciate. I was so glad to be in my room, to be back at church, to see the promising faces of the future... I guess this sounds pretty crazy but I'm in love with Ashburn and what it had to offer me. If you're a senior right now and reading this you might be freaking out and forming your own debates to contradict my love for Ashburn but just wait 'til you're forced into a melting pot with a bunch of people you don't know. You feel apart of something great yet extremely alone at times. Some days you'll just crave that familiarity, that smile, that joke from your physics teacher, that hill that you've been longboarding on the past two years, that hug from your neice, those eyes of love from your mother. Those pieces of my life are priceless and they are only at home.

The silence of the suburbs is un-parallel to anything up here in Oakland. I couldn't even sleep for the first few hours I went to bed because my room was extremely quiet. I miss having my own room, my own space, that quiet. I remember the countless times I could just go to the basement and pray, and think, and just feel. Those days are gone. The closest I get to that is waking up early Sunday morning, putting in my earplugs to drown out my roommate's snores and trying to focus on my thoughts. My young brothers and sisters, please don't take home for granted. I know college apps and all that stuff is adding stress upon your already mentally taxing workload but step back from your own struggles and realize the beauty of this time in your life. I never thought I'd be saying this but I really do miss senior year at times. I miss that school. I miss home.

Being able to come home allowed me to just set my mind right. Seeing all the kids at youth group that I've shared my faith for God with was just a blessing. To come back home and be welcomed and greeted with smiles and hugs was awesome. Looking into the hearts of young people and seeing so much promise makes me extrememly happy. These are the people that I look at and just see positivity, grace, and love flowing from their hearts into the world. I'm so blessed to have been a part of such a great group of people. You guys have changed my life and have given me a new beginning. Your passion has inspired mine and I'm truly grateful for having such an awesome fellowship with you all.

This is what home is to me. It's a place where I can come and be free. I can breathe that Virginia air and remember what's important to me. I remember that my family and friends are always there for me. I remember that I'm not just a number or a name, I have an identity and I have a purpose. Regardless of how much money I have or what grades I get, I'll do my best and I'll make it. If God is with me then what will stand against me? I've rediscovered the simple and more beautiful things this life has to offer. I've seen the ugly and less desireable things and I know that I don't have to be that. I have an identity, I know who I am. That is the most beautiful feeling. I know overall what I need. I need compassion, and grace, and patience, and forgiveness, and love. God sees me, he acknowledges me, he gives me hope, he gives me peace, he gives me strength, he honors my attempts, he holds me accountable, he blesses me undeservingly, he lights my path, he wakes me up every morning, he heals my disease, he gives me victory, he opens my eyes to see, he moves my heart to love, he opens my soul to feel, he gives me wisdom, he weeps for my transgressions, he takes pride in me as a son, he carries me, he humbles me, he believes in me, he pushes me, he KNOWS me. I am so blessed to be sitting here in a cold room surrounded by a bunch of strangers on the 4th floor of Tower A in the town of Oakland at the University of Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania speaking to you over the internet today. I've come to spread the good news and to tell you that God is good. If you struggle, if you hurt, if you find yourself with nowhere to turn, if nothing fixes your heart, if you find life to be too much at times, if you've lost the ability to smile in light of your struggles, if you're confused, or if you feel like you don't have a purpose... welcome to the club. If anyone wants to talk about anything just lemme know. I love you all and miss every single one of you. Once again thanks for reading and stop by facebook to say hello if we haven't talked in a little :)

Keep The Peace



I love you all... thank you so much Cal!!!!

this is where my heart is right now...


"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses."
Acts 13:38-39