today sucked.

It's true... it was just one of those days where you just can't do anything right. It doesn't happen to me often, but days like today really kill me. They're the days that I wish I really could have the strength to keep a cool head, but most of the time more than anything I just wanna punch some walls in. When days like today happen I feel like people don't understand who I am, or what I tried to do, and they just see the outside of the picture. I hate situations that look really bad on the surface so no matter what justification you have for the events that have occured, they never seem to matter. Times like these are the only times I get close to crying. Frustration makes me more emotional than anything.

It's crazy how a day that starts out with 4 hours of church can turn into an annoyance. But it's also crazy how at the end of each one of these days, I'm still alive. And I get over it. I think today was the quickest day I've gotten over feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes you gotta take the crap and nod your head and understand the concept that it's okay to mess up. Even if it's a big one. Everyone doesn't hate me and I don't need to hate myself. That's tough, but I'm getting better at it.

So during those 4 hours of church I heard a guest speaker's sermon that I've really come to like. His name is Dr. Segraves and I really like his style. I like people that refer to the Bible a lot because it's hard reading the bible by yourself sometimes and it's crazy how one verse that you skim over can be a revalation for another person. His message today was about living in the real world, and how people who don't really know God sorta bash him because of things like the Holocaust. He went through a couple of points throughout scripture but this is the one I bookmarked because I think it's very applicable to a lot of parts in our daily lives...

"I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn't always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don't always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a trap, people are caught by sudden tragedy."
Ecclesiastes 9:9-12

For me this is pretty great news because I'm definitely not the smartest or fastest or strongest haha. But it's also interesting to think that a Lord with all power leaves room for chance, but as Dr. Segraves continued he backed this up by explaining that this chance is created because God has given us free will. And without free will there would be no such thing as love. Love wouldn't exist unless we would have the ability to choose to not love. So if we all were programmed to respond or act in certain ways then we wouldn't be able to experience love because it wouldn't be special. It wouldn't be a sacrificing and self-less gesture. Instead it would just be a gesture. I thought that was really sick. It's good to know that everything that happens in life does happen for a reason, even if that reason is beyond my understanding. It's good to know that whatever troubles in life I may face are not just because I mess up sometimes. Life isn't a cause and effect chain, there's more to us than that, and I dig it.

Moving on in that book I found another little quote I like...
"As dead flies cause even a bottle of perfume to stink, so a little foolishness spoils great wisdom and honor."
Ecclesiastes 10:1

I think that's so true and I wish people cared about their integrity like a bottle of perfume. I wish people knew how beautiful they could be if they just saw themselves as beautiful, if they saw themselves as something worth keeping.

But we're young and naive. I don't know how to end this so let's just say congratulations to Spain, and boo-hoo for Holland. I don't think they deserved it anyway and I personally think Robben is a tool :)

Keep The Peace my brothers and sisters!