I'm just tired of thinking. I feel like I wear myself out with thoughts a lot. The busier I get the more I just want to get away from it all. "Life". I've noticed that as I'm growing older I'm becoming less interested in experiencing life and more interested in having peace. Peace is a big thing for me, because when I'm at peace I'm truly happy. I'm starting to appreciate the quiet, the value of time, my gifts and blessing. But when I'm at my best I feel sometimes is when I'm not thinking at all... It's when I'm bombing the hill with no time to think about what happens, it's when I'm passing a defender with pace, It's when my 16 bar solo comes up, It's when I'm called to be extraordinary in a normal situation. I appreciate times like these because before each one there is a certain moment where the transfer from thinking to excuting occurs, and that fraction of time I feel at my best. It's 100 percent instinct. I wish this world sometimes wasn't trained to think about what little Sally Jenkins thinks about our decisions and listen to our hearts as if we didn't have time to contemplate. Sometimes the world needs someone that works from the inside instead of the outside. I like that idea.
On formspring, the topic of liking someone came up today, and to be quite honest it caught me by surprise. I dunno why, I feel like I don't know what that feeling feels like anymore. Girls are so hard to read and understand that I've literally given up trying. I don't have time for the games anymore nor the emotional tolerance. I feel like I'm looking for something really special. I guess you could call me old-fashioned, but I'm ready to settle down with someone worth settling down with. And the only way I guess for me to know if I like someone is if I get that feeling... we all know that feeling. The butterflies, the happiness, the quality in other words. And I'm not gonna lie it's been a while since that's gone on. If there's one thing I've learned over my 17 years is that I know what I like in a girl, and I guess when it comes down to it besides obvious physical attraction it comes down to heart. I would like someone that is actually as interested in me as I am in them, it's nice to know I'm worth pursuing. I want a girl that's independent also... I can't fix her life also and work on mine at the same time. I can't handle that. She needs to have her priorities in order because I'm not gonna lie mine have changed and there are certain things that I'm not down for. She also needs to be able to live without me, but want to be with me I guess if that makes sense. It takes two for a relationship and I can't hold up another person along with myself and try to be a good partner at the same time. It's just too much. She's also just gotta love people. That's big, that heart for others is attractive and I love it. I guess I'm sorta pickyish, but you get that way when you've been hurt before. Regardless, it's not in my hands, I guess I'll know her when I see her? Hopefully?
Anyways I'm super tired, and I need to sleep some this break, and catch up with some ol' buds. I miss people I used to be tight with, it sucks how stuff changes but it's the way of the world. Things come and go with the seasons.
"And to Adam he said, 'Because you listened to your wife and ate the fruit I told you not to eat, I have placed a curse on the ground. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. All your life you will sweat to produce food, until your dying day. Then you will return to the ground from which you came. For you were made from dust, and to the dust you will return.'"
Genesis 3:17-19If you ever wanted to know why the world is the way it is or why life is so hard... above is the answer. It sucks that man had to fall.
It's wonderful how beautiful the word of God is though. I never knew I'd learn so much from such an old book.
Keep The Peace
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