So I've been here for a week now. Pitt that is. I don't know how I feel about it right now. Sometimes I'm really having a lot of fun. Other times I'm really just tired and annoyed and dissapointed. I think what really hurts me about this whole thing is that no one seems real. No one stands up for anything. No one seems to believe that there's something greater than this moment, whatever it may be. I wish I could just look into these people's hearts and just see with my own eyes what they really want, what they're really looking for. Everyone seems to fill whatever void that they have within their hearts with alcohol, sex, drugs, or just trashy language and attitudes. I can't understand. Why do we HAVE to find a party tonight? Why does it matter if there's alcohol or not? I just can't wait 'til I'm old enough where alcohol isn't a part of daily discussion. I really just miss good people. People that were content with just being themselves. I miss the pursuit of Love. Not the pursuit of happiness, cause what is happiness? Happiness is so clouded these days. I just want some stability.
I guess I'm going to have to invest in some nose plugs now... Nothing like the smell of weed at 1:40 AM on a Sunday morning -_-. Who are these people? And what are they looking for? Who are they trying to impress? What does their past look like? I'm lost. Thank the Lord for Hillsong United. The only way I can get away is just to drift higher in worship. Alone in my compact double dorm I find myself blasting Christian music to drown out the nonsense. Yes, that's my college experience right now, is that a problem? If you're new and reading this, feel free to judge me, because this is who I am. I am nothing without God. His presence is made known even in the most poopiest of situations. He is the God forever and ever. He is magnificent, beautiful, His grace, oh his grace! I don't know if I'm homesick, or just God sick. I miss the church. I miss my FE family!
Being away from home this one week has taught me a lot about young people. I've noticed that at this stage of our lives, so many of us just cling to this concept of acception. This idea of being a part of something. Being identified through an organization, whether it be a group of friends, a frat, a party scene, a club etc. So many of use are just fighting to belong when I've realized that I just wasn't meant to fit. God didn't cut me into a square when he molded my body from his heavenly clay. I was made to stick out in this world. I was made to make people think. I was made to challenge the world to open their eyes. I was made to shine my light wherever I go. I have been called. This is where I belong, and I WILL overcome. I WILL make a difference. I WILL be a positive impact upon my peers. Because God has called me to be somebody. To identify myself with Him and His kingdom. It's beautiful. So I am not ashamed to be here, to be me, to be alive.
Sometimes you just have to see yourself through. When i get discouraged I just have to take the time to remember that I'm not alone. God is with me and I should not be afraid. Because he loves me. He loves me for me. He doesn't love me for my looks or for my abilities. He just loves. Isn't that what we all want? Why can't people see? Why can't people see thaty they're hurting themselves? Why can't people see that they're giving their lives away? Why can't people see? Why? It hurts my heart, but here I am. I press on towards the prize that God has reserved for me in Christ Jesus. I don't know what He has in store, but I know that the Lord IS good.
I miss all of you at home. I miss my family and my friends. I miss my church. I miss my home. But I'm determined to take a stand. God will give me strength I know it. I'm sorry but I just had to see myself through this one. The more I write the more confident I get. You have to push yourself in this world. You have to make a decision and be discipline. You have to take care of business. I'm on my own now, and He is all I got, and all I need.
"I'm found in the arms of Love.
For your Love it has saved my soul.
I'll run to your arms of Love.
Your light's gonna lead me home."
Keep The Peace
It's good, and also disappointing, to hear about your college life about which I've wondered recently. I'm glad that God is challenging you in this way and that you have so far stood up for what you stand for. However, do remember that there are others who share your principles, and the most important thing you can do may as well be making the right friends. I'm pretty sure that you however know this already, and I feel like you're on the right track. If our God is with us, whom then shall we fear?
ReplyDeleteKeep in touch.
Agreed man. I'm trying to look for the right people but it's tough to find believers when no one really wants to talk about it because campus life is about partying. But you did see the picture I took of that soul food dinner thing and that should be pretty cool cause that's a bible study on campus and I should be able to meet a lot of kids there and start to see who's serious about their faith. All in all I'm excited but the times when people are just being ignorant or making bad choices, which is a lot of the time, it just gets annoying
ReplyDelete