It's been awhile since I've posted something. Mostly because I've just been busy working and such but I've also spent a lot of my chill time just thinking a little bit and I think I've finally worked my brain enough to find out something worth posting.
First of all I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who reads this. My blog has changed a lot in 66 posts. Honestly when I started writing this I really wanted to tell people a lot of things and sort of lead them into my mind. Now when I write it's more about making sense of how I think and the things that mean something to me. Sometimes writing is the only way I can make any sense of whatever mess I've been snowballing in my mind and it just helps to bring me back down to Earth. I hope whoever reads my blog will take it as an account of a young man who is learning just like any other guy. I'm not in the business of teaching, but I hope that maybe the words I choose will hopefully challenge you to look within yourself and figure out who YOU are. If that's all that happens then I'd consider this blog more than successful.
Anyways, this week has been long and somewhat uneventful. Weeks like these lead me to a lot of analyzation and something that kept coming back and forth within my head is the mind and how it works. As I thought about my life and my problems I started to notice how much my mind has played a role in all my dilemmas. Many times this is manifested in me worrying or just getting frustrated with myself. Out of all these instances I've started to take notice in how I've thought these things through. I realized that many of the obstacles I face are only obstacles because I give them the authority to obstruct my life. For example, just because I'm not a genius in math or science, doesn't mean I'll never have a job that uses one of those fields. Regardless I still minimze the potential for success for myself because of how I compare myself to the world's criteria for success. This conflict between my actual ability along with how the world sees my traits creates a gap which in turn makes me feel irrelevant or insufficient.
After figuring this out I started to realize that this is how the world trains us to think. Despite of how complex we think our lives are, the world has taught us to analyze and view events in a very simple matter. Every action we see we dumb it down to a simple cause and effect. For example, the death of Michael Jackson. Well reporters say the combination of drugs he was using caused him to die, but maybe it was really the fact that his childhood was so obscure and his father put so much pressure on him that it caused him to start using or abusing drugs which led to his death. Many times in situations we only see the cause and effects instead of the why. If we don't look at the why then what makes anything we do worth anything?
The why part of my life is crucial and has led me to believe that how we are taught to live in this world isn't right. I truly believe that, "Mo money mo problems" yet people will kill for money. Why is an excess of money such an influential factor within our lives? It's because everything the world tells us defines success as a monetary value. We use our minds to dumb ourselves down to thinking that money defines our success as human beings so we chase it. This may not be money, for someone else it could be their looks, or their occupation etc. We trick ourselves into thinking instead of believing and I've found that to be very dangerous. You can just hear how those words are different. There's a big difference between, "I think I deserve this job," and "I believe I deserve this job". We get so caught up in trying to figure out how something happened instead of seeing that we are the only ones that put ourselves into this box in the first place.
I'm slowly starting to realize that every situation has a positive and negative response available sorta like in the Matrix where Neo could choose between the blue and red pills. Life is the same way. We have a choice only as long as we believe it to be a choice. Every word you say and every step you take is a choice. Even the way you think and your views of the world are yours and yours alone. As we join society it sometimes seems that our minds get in the way of our dreams. When you fall in love you know it. You don't have to see a checklist and make sure it's all filled out and you don't need a freaking dictionary to define your feelings for that person. Love has no boundaries, no walls erected around the perimeter to keep it enclosed. Love just flows. Why can't life be the same? The reason why is because we don't let ourselves believe. We overthink our situations so much that we rationalize in our mind certain outcomes which just leads us to doing things we never really wanted to do in the first place. Sometimes I just need to cut the crap and do what I know I want. Be the person I know I want to be. Make the decisions I believe are right and even if they're not, I know I'm not a failure. That is really important.
If the best this world can give me is fame and fortune then I don't want anything to do with it. If the epitome of being a mortal is splurging money that could be used to feed starving children then I don't want anything to do with it. For too long has my vision been impaired by false hope. I need to believe there is something more for me out there. I can't allow myself to think that this cycle of life is worthless. Money and fame isn't enough to keep me here, so I've chosen to believe that my calling is greater. Until I figure out what that is I think I'll just take this time to be quiet and listen. Our calling is out there for you and I alike. I just want to make sure that I'm not going to be the one that holds me back from whatever great things the Lord has in store for me.
This post was stupid long and I still don't think that my head is making complete sense. All I know is that the way I think is inhibiting me from believing in myself and my God. We are truly powerful beyond measure and we can only embrace this power if we believe it exists.
Keep The Peace
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