April 11th, 2010

Today was really interesting to say the least. Every Sunday my family and I usually go to the 9:00 church service together, but today I was just really tired cause I was up late last night so I was sleeping in instead. I woke up later around 10:15 to an empty house and to tell you the truth, it was horrible. That emptiness I woke up to just radiated into my heart and my mind and it was one of the few times I just really wanted to be with my family. I don't know why but I just really wanted to be with them and they weren't there. So I chilled and waited 'til they got back. I was planning on just continuing on with my day getting the rest of my homework done and tending to other house issues etc. but something was just telling me to go to church. And as much as I wanted to ignore it I just couldn't, today I needed to go. So I got dressed up in my Sunday clothes and went to the 11:15 service by myself today and it was glorious.

I noticed this past week that it sucks when people dissapoint you, but it sucks even more when the person that dissapoints me the most is myself. I guess compared to other people I'm pretty hard on myself as a human being, but I think it's just because I hold myself to a certain standard and when I don't meet those standards myself I start to become dissapointed with who I am, what I represent, and what I'm becoming. And it's so interesting because so much of my time I spend talking about other people and other people's situation when I truly have no clue or no business talking about what I'm talking about. Pastor today said that as he gets older he notices that he talks a lot less, because he notices the more you talk and ramble the less people take you seriously. The less your words really have meaning. It was interesting cause I could definitely relate; many of the people I truly respect and that I believe to be wise are the same way. They do a lot more listening than speaking, sometimes because they don't have much to say and the other person is doing all the talking, but also because sometimes they just don't know how to answer certain things or respond so instead of opening their mouth and letting something stupid or ignorant or derogatory come out they just keep it closed. A part of me respects this a lot and it just reminded me of how much of a problem our words can be sometimes.

Pastor also spoke about how we as Americans have this thing in our mind about terrorists and generalize people. We stereotype the Middle East for having terrorists and we talk about how bad it is and that they deserve today, but Pastor brought up the point that if we are saying that they deserve to die than why are we any different from them? He said that the terrorists in America live within our mouths in the form of or tongues. We are quick to speak down upon our peers and someone else's situation without really knowing who they are, what they've been through, or what's even going on. This is something about myself I'd like to change along with many other things and I just needed to be in church this morning to hear it. In that building there with the Lord is one of the few places I feel like I truly belong.

Later in the day it was so beautiful out and I didn't want to waste the weather so I texted a bunch of people trying to see if someone wanted to go on a walk, or longboard, or play tennis or something, but I had no luck. It was just one of those days I was meant to be alone and have some Egey time. So I went out to the hill and an empty parking lot and just rode my longboard. There's something about that phenomena, the gliding feeling, the ebb and flow of powerful pushes, the steady and cool breeze of coasting, the rhythmic pumping of body and soul as you build up speed and carve back and forth. It's just awesome. I really do love getting away from this world whenever I get the chance just to be with myself, and today was quality. No talking, no listening, no thinking, just being. That state of living is where I feel most like myself. Not a care in the world, just enjoying creation, and the fact that 4 wheels, some bearings, some metal axels, some nuts and bolts, and a plank of bamboo can take me there is pretty sweet .

Today started out slow and poopy, but it's truly crazy how God can turn things around. When I get woken up and realize that I have no right to be a grouch and that sometimes God throws tough situations within our lives to test our faith is comforting. For he is all I have and when I'm not close to him I'm living without purpose or direction.

"Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God"

Matthew 4:4

"He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Job 23:10

I need to fix some things in my life but hey.... I got God on my side :)

Keep The Peace