Hey Now, Hey Now

This has been stuck in my head the past couple of days. I've never even seen this movie. HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA, life is so jolly :D.

10/19/10

I sort of have an issue with the English language. I feel like there's not enough words to express certain types of intent. Or maybe I'm just annoyed with the word why, and why everytime it comes up I am searching for something that I can't exactly find. There should be another question word that we use to distinguish between something that we can't exactly answer concretely I think. Questions that we can't back up with science or facts. Just so everybody's on the same page, so people understand how abstract or incomprehendible (sp) something may be.

Usually when I overanalyze my whys it's only to later realize that I'll never get anywhere with them. That somethings I'll never understand fully ya know? I think that's sorta cool. If we knew everything then I feel like life wouldn't be interesting. Things wouldn't have their value, and I feel like life would be minimized to a series of events with no more meaning than what the textbook gives it. Life would be a formula. You do this and this and you'll get this. I like the world like it is because there's so much room for reflection, interpretation, and change.

I'm just so happy to know people. I'm so blessed to be in a place where I can be me, and people accept that. I'm so happy to be in a place where people are interested in what I'm about. Jocelyn... you're an awesome person. I don't know what other people have said but you have a good mind and a good heart, and I hope you're happy and if you're looking for something I hope you find it.

This place feels like home more everyday. I'm glad I'm not judged by those close to me. Nothing beats the Squad and my Holland family. You people make being here so much awesomer.

God, today I'm really thankful for you. For showing up in my life. For lighting my path, for leading me. Thank you for not giving up on me, for forgiving me, for loving me. Thank you for giving me a heart for people, for bringing to me awesome friends, and for allowing me to grow. I don't know how you do it, I don't know what tomorrow brings, but what I do know is that everyday I choose to push you out I lose myself. Thanks for giving me purpose and identity. Thank you for finally making me happy, for making me content with my mind and for conquering my troubles. Thank you for giving me a reason to smile, a reason to cry, a reason to breathe, a reason to laugh, love, and live. I'm so happy to be alive today.

Keep The Peace

Well I just found the stats on this thing and it just stunned me at how much/many people look at what I write. I've had views from 7 countries this past week, and over 12 countries in my whole blogging time. My page was visited 399 times last month. What a blessing that is! I can't believe my words would ever reach so far as Slovenia or Denmark. I find that totally mind boggling. People have viewed this blog on blackberries, ipads, iphones etc. That's just so nuts. It makes me really happy :). It really is about the little things in this world. The individuals, the souls of our neighbors. Those who are close to me illuminate the night of possibilities to reveal the shining stars that glow within every sky of darkness. There is beauty all around. Sometimes we just have to bring ourselves down, open our eyes, and be thankful for this world. Be thankful for the people. And be thankful for the gift of life, the emancipation of our souls, and the thrill of truly living.

Keep The Peace

Serving

Today was awesome, I had some chill classes and at church they had a worship and baptism service. There's nothing like the feel of worship, and just giving up your burdens and your stress and just thanking God for being God. Thanking him for intervening on my pitiful life and giving me substance and substantiality and identity. Oh how I miss Him when I'm away. It's sad how I always have to remind myself of how good and awesome and loving He is. Life just seems like nothing without Him, and I owe my all to his work.

Along with an awesome worship service I got into some pretty deep conversations about religion and life in general. Sometimes I feel bad cause when I talk about God it seems so foreign to people and they never seem to comprehend what I'm saying or how great God has affected my life. I always find myself talking and talking and I just wish people could feel what I feel. Just that feeling of being at one with who you are, knowing that regardless of what you do you'll make it. Your life will mean something. I love that feeling.

So one of the topics that I kept coming around to regarding life and not knowing things and living aimlessly was serving. There's something strong in my heart that's telling me that serving is really all that matters. Helping others and giving my skills and time and influence to fellow humans seems to be the only thing that satisfies my soul. I feel like if I don't do anything else with my life, I'd be happy just to talk to young people. I feel like we get everything sugar coated until we get to high school. I know we're not mature enough to understand certain things before then, but at the same time we've been somewhat brainwashed to believe that a life worth living is defined by something. We lose the concept that our life is our life ya know? We start buying into this whole continuum of being Americans or catalysts to society and what not and we then suppress our hearts. We let go of the child in us... that part that allows us to be free and to dream and to believe. We become concrete and cold to circumstances that don't fit our framework of how our lives should be; when honestly, life is life, it is what it is.

I'm not gonna sit here and say I miss the days when things were simple and yada yada yada, because I don't. I don't even remember what I was all about before I found Jesus, and I'm not gonna lie, my life became harder when I submitted myself to God. But there is something to be said about the tranquility, grace, and wisdom received from the king of kings. He gives me confidence to walk in darkness, he lifts me up and gives me strength when I'm weary, he literally is my physical, mental, and emotional healer. He keeps my heart in check and allows me to grow and learn. It is such a beautiful thing being alive. Being able to look at something not so good and have a reason to be happy. Looking at a tough situation and saying, "God, this one's all you". That's so beautiful. I know these are just words but it's so much more to me. I hope someday, regardless of what you believe, you'll have this feeling of atonement. The feeling of being satisfied. Finally not having to search this barren Earth for your next fix. I'm so happy I can look at my life and say, "This is great, this is what living is." That's special.

Keep The Peace

10/14/10

Today consisted of studying, punishing a test I thought I wasn't ready for, getting a B and an A- on my first two papers, buying a new video game, chilling with friends, and buying a used Bobby Mcferrin vinyl that has "Don't Worry Be Happy" on it.

I'd say today was a great success. Thanks God for making me smarter than I give myself credit for. Thank you God for always showing up. I wish I was as faithful and consistent as you.

-Egey

100

This is my 100th post. I never really thought I would be here. I feel like that's how things work in life, you jump in expecting one thing and by the time you get somewhere you actually forgot what you expected in the first place. We make a big ol' ruckus about how we think things should go and how worried we are if we don't make this or we don't get in here. And always... without question... we always end up where we should be. We always end up in a place where we can grow. I think that's crazazazy!

So the past 6 hours I've been cramming for this history mid-term, which i will most likely fail sadly, but for some reason I try really hard to do well. I wish I could just try that hard all the time and focus my time better. I'm just worn out a lot of the time ya know? After a long day of doing classwork the last thing you want to do is review all that crap that you've been going through all day. But that probably would've helped a lot. Either way it is what it is, I'm gonna do my best and I think I've learned a lot and I've only missed a half of reading so we'll see. I don't think college history is for me though.

I read this today on facebook in someone's prof info and it made me angry:

"When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind."
-Jiddu Krishnamurti

I don't think that's true at all. I think the carnal nature of mankind's mind breeds violence. I think the natural pride in human beings breeds violence. It's not the fact that we identify ourselves, it's the fact that someone always has to have more pie than someone else. That's why there's fighting within groups... tribes fought within their tribes for respect and for mates. It has nothing to do with calling yourself something besides the name that you've been given. Pride breeds violence, nothing else. People need to stop blaming things on the labels and just take a look in the mirror. We all have desires, we all have parts of ourselves that we don't want to talk about, we all have some type of dream or goal. Sometimes there's other things in the way of that goal whether they be people etc. We make our own goals at times have more priority over those people, so we go up at their expense. It's because of who we are, it's our own flesh, not because of a label. People need to understand that, and if you want to fight me feel free, I don't care, but we need to stop this pointing fingers and saying it's your fault because you say you're different and poopy hoopy doopy. I could go on and talk about how Jesus isn't a religion, and how he's concerned with mankind as a whole but that'd take up way too much space and hurt way too many feelings for some reason.

Anyways that's it, wish me luck... please?

Keep The Peace

ps. Angela, you rock. You're real, and I respect that a lot.

pss. Happy Birthday Michaela!! You're so wise my friend, I love reading your stuff. I hope you have a great 20th :)

psss. Congrats Lynns on winning your contest! Your photos came out awesome! You deserve it.

pssss. Home next weekend? I think yessssssssss!!!

Thumbs up for new snowboard coming soon also :D

alright im done.

Icee

There's always a point that you get to where you figure out that you're somewhat in control. I always forget that I have the ability to influence myself. The way we look upon situations can be controlled by us ya know? I think that's what this day is giving me right now. I got a lot of stuff to be stressed about. I know some things aren't right. I know that, but it's about perspective. I think it's about looking at the mountain and realizing I have the strength to conquer it if I choose. And as people we need to understand that conquering it is defined by us, not the world. We are invaluable. That's how I feel today. I need a revelation in my mind, and from that revelation love needs to come from my heart. HOPE is what matters. As long as we have hope, we have life. As long as we long for something greater, as long as we long for peace, we Thrive.