Grace

This past sunday, I experienced God's grace firsthand. Grace is pretty crazy because it's something that is not deserved. The last thing I should have received during service was God's light shining down on me, yet that's exactly what I got. It's crazy how life works sometimes. It's sorta like trying to open a bag of candy or something. This weekend I've been tugging at the side of the bag furiously trying to rip it open instead of just taking a step back and opening my eyes to see where it says "tear here" at the top. Sometimes it just takes a different point of view to change your outlook on life. Anyways there I was in church, ushering and smiling and handshaking. At the end of service at the altar call I took my post in the back of the sanctuary by the door where more opening, smiling, and closing commenced as those who had hopefully received their fill were heading out a little early. As pastor was talking/praying and scoping the crowd, he spotted me in the back and called me up to the stage. He then continued to compliment me on how great of an usher I was, going against the grain of the world by being a kid that sacrifices his time to serve in church and be cordial and courteous to people. He spoke this great word of confidence into my heart as he began to pray for me in front of the church congregation. It was the wildest thing I've ever seen. On the one day where I needed someone to just notice me, to see that I was struggling, to look past my eyes and my shortcomings and feel my silent cries for help God heard and took my by force. The one week I really wasn't being a great Christian the Lord looked past my mistakes and saw me for me. He loved me and told me this Sunday. Stuff like that makes life worth living.

This is the type of grace I wish I could show to all people. And to be quite honest I suck at it. When I'm tired or hungry or a combination of the two I honestly have the worst temper. The happy bubbly kid you usually know is gone and it sucks cause I don't mean to be grumpy but it just happens and I'm sorry Chris Dunlap for being so short and poopy with you over the weekend. I was just tired and not in the mood. I just needed some space ya know? Anyways the message of the sermon was bringing back focus to God, to be more specific his kingdom. Which is really interesting because that's the only thing worth living for being that the world is on a road to suicide and when we die all the things we've accumulated will no longer be under our control.

Life is just too good to explain in words, and I hate when my attitude gets in the way of keeping this mindset. I love people, I love the earth, I love eyes! You know who has some really wonderful eyes? Alison Lewis, Lynnsey Coker, and Michael Morningstar. Those kids got the quality genes. But anyways I'm trying to keep it even more positive than I have before. Summer's coming, it's already no shirt season for Mervyn, and I honestly can't complain. God is too good.

"Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying. "This is the way, walk in it.""
Isaiah 30:20-21

Listen to that voice people, it can change your life.

Keep The Peace

The Youth

Well tonight was interesting... I got booked to mix at C3 teen club again and tonight was a pretty big event so I was excited. I was mixing and so was another DJ and we'd switch off back and forth. Everything was going super smooth at the beginning 'til the requests started coming.

At the time I was spinning Biggie's "Hypnotize", one of the hottest rap songs of all time when a girl came up to me while I was mixing asking, "can you play something we can dance to?". First of all I don't think the music has anything to do with your ability to dance, I can dance at home without any music at all. And secondly NO, i can not play music you can "dance" to because your type of "dancing" is pretty much dry humping on the dance floor! To be honest this is not what I said, but the sights I saw today were so disgusting that I was extremely annoyed. I just wanted to play some good music, but all everyone wanted to hear was just disgusting trashy music that degrades everyone. Never have I seen such dirty dancing in my life, and it got to the point where I didn't even know what to play cause the songs they were requesting I didn't even have.

The young crowd or predominantly black african americans I witnessed tonight was atrocious. To be honest I'm just glad my mom didn't show up cause she would've flipped. It got to the point where I had to leave early because I didn't have the right music they wanted to hear. The music they want I hate and I don't acquire it because I'd never want to hear it let alone mix it. I'm just sick of seeing such a dissapointing black generation growing up. People don't even understand how great dancing is when you can actually see the person's face you're dancing with. Also it'd be wonderful if I could tell all those girls that you don't have to dress like that to get a guy to like you or shake your butt all over his lap. The youth has so much potential to be great, yet we fall into this nasty image of pleasure that is nothing less than horrific. I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. To be honest it takes nights like these to realize that there are certain things I won't spin and there's a certain crowd that my music is catering to. Call me white but I'd rather be white if what I saw tonight is considered black.

What I heard and saw just made me hate music. I wish I had a prom style crowd where I could throw on Bulletproof or Harder Better Faster Stronger or Let Me Clear My Throat and people would go crazy. Those are the people that love music and love to dance and enjoy themselves, because even if it wasn't their jam they'd want to get down and groove regardless. Crowds like those I've realized are priceless and I can't wait til the day comes where I find the right crowd that appreciates my style of mixing and what I do. Until then I'm not going to settle and fall into the trailer trash rap that had to be played tonight to get people's sexual hormones aroused. There's more to dancing than grinding people!

/rant

Nothin' On You

Ya know... I love music. A LOT! And it's funny because I didn't used to love music the way I do now, today. For the past couple of years I've been fairly dissapointed in the direction music has gone. The legacy the 70's, 80's, and 90's had left it seemed like we were coming in hot for the new millenium. To be quite honest it started off decently but music for me has been on a decline lately (mainstream of course). This decline has led me the past couple years to look to other alternatives like old school hip hop, hair bands, dance, electronica etc. I completely abandoned the radio and went soul searching, and during this couple years I found my love for dancing.

For so many years I was the guy that sat on the sidelines while everyone grinded it up on the dance floor. It's not that I couldn't stand in one place while a girl "danced" up on me, but it never really fitted my quirky and spontaneous attitude towards music. The typical 70 bpm rap song just didn't work, and now that I'm djing I've noticed my range is more or less between 110 and 128 beats per minute. This is where most house and dance songs fall. Recently the explosion of electronic music that is starting to become mainstream in the US is very exciting. I love the sounds of Gaga and Kesha now and I like the new dynamic, but nonetheless many of the songs I feel that come out aren't classic or legendary. Just like I feel like Lil' Wayne isn't really a rapper. His game is too narrow and his style isn't original, nor will any of his songs be hot after this next 10 years.

But the first time I heard Nothin' On You by B.o.B. and Bruno Mars I almost died. The song is so impeccably put together and the lyrics actually relate to how I feel about women. This is a rare coincidence in a mainstream song, especially a song that has so many influences. You can feel the jazz and the neo soul oozing out of the song. I love stuff like that. "Beautiful girls, all over the world, I might be chasing but my time would be wasted, they got nothin' on you baby..." That's flippin' sick, and honestly this song has fallen into Mervyn's little timeless mental category. I feel like this is one of those songs where my kid's will ask me what was bumpin back in your day, and then I'll be like Nothin' On You... Then they'll have a blank stare and I'll get to say, it was before your time young lad. Music like this gives me hope that the world isn't falling into a place where the stereotypical stripper girl with oiled legs dancing around the screen is what love is all about. The words in that song are the words I'd probably say to someone I really loved. That girl would be so special and so important that I would want to tell her every day how wonderful she is. Music like this makes the mainstream tolerable again. Songs like this should be the future of Hip Hop. I miss having positive messages in mainstream music.

"... and just like that girl you got me froze, like a nintendo 64"

Ya know... sometimes I get lost in this whole blogging thing and writing and stuff and I forget to look back and see how much I've changed or not changed. At first I wanted to start this blog to share my mind and write some cool stuff and everything, but my whole purpose for writing has changed. It's almost like an easier way to tell people what they need to hear. I'm really trying to get over myself lately... getting over how I feel, or what I want that isn't really important, or what is hard or tiring. I'm working on picking myself up, and I'm not gonna lie it's tough. But through mental struggles like these I can get past my simple and relatively safe life, and shift the focus onto people that need it.

You may be aware of this or not but there is someone out there that needs love. And it's not the boyfriend/girlfriend where we hold the hands and the butterflies happen and the warm tingly feelings yada yada shada. But honestly, someone just needs to know they're worth something. Someone within your area needs you to reach for them. It's sad to know that some people feel like they're worth nothing. It also sucks that sometimes I'm so sucked up into myself and what I want that I miss the opportunity to let people know that they're beautiful, to stop what I'm doing and check in.

I'm reading this book that Cody gave me and it talks about this less than decent looking kid that was in college. He had bad achne, red crazy out of control hair, and was obese. He came home for Christmas break with his family. When he was between catching buses to go back to college his dad went with him and when they got off a bus some of his father's co-workers were there. They started jeering at his son talking about how he's a pig and how embarrassed they'd be to have a son that looks like that etc. etc. In that moment the father instead of backtalking, ignoring, or even worse going along with those guys; he kissed his son and told him that he was proud of him, loved him, and couldn't ask for a better son. The college boy received confirmation and immediate self-esteem. He later went on to love Jesus, get married, become a priest... but that's besides the point. It's the fact that the father recognized an opportunity to confirm the beauty within a human being. For some people that's all they need, just someone to tell them that they're not a failure, that they're not a waste.

It's crazy to think that you or I can change someone's world. How one confrontation can change a life forever. I think it's more lame how we forget that we have this power. Why isn't there a show on tv that's devoted to showing people how beautiful they are for just being who they are? Instead we have shows where we need to get "made" into being something worth being. How flipping out of control is that? I know we've heard this a million times but we really need to start taking it upon ourselves to show love to all people. This type of love is what changes the world. This is the type of love that has changed me forever.

This love is the only reason why I feel content with my life. I know that if I lost all I had today I'd still try to love others. Love is the only way my life feels fulfilled, helping and caring is the only thing that brings my heart true joy, and in the situations where I'm taking the time and giving the patience to learn and get to know people, the more I'm really learning about myself and what's important to me. I'm sorry that this post has gone for so long but every once in a while I just need to re-evaluate my purpose in life right now. I know I'm not perfect but I'm trying, and though we may fall, we have the ability to pick ourselves back up again.

(this was a little crazy but hey... that's my head right now)

Keep The Peace

Economics

So I was just thinking about a conversation I had a couple days ago at lunch about the economy and competition and such. And it was really interesting because Skelly and I were talking about capitalism and such and how it benefits because it pushes prices lower etc etc. But the debate (it was very friendly) really was about competition and whether it's good or bad. I was saying it's bad depending on the intentions of the one within the competitive field. I don't think it's straight if someone sees another persons owning a bagel shop thinking they can make a better bagel shop themselves, so they create their own shop to capitalize on the other shop's customers and steal their business ultimately making their establishment better. If that's the maker's intentions then I don't think that competition is good. I don't think it's good because you see this throughout history but not just in economics. This type of competition and greed and exploitation has led to so much conflict. All conflict starts from someone's greed. Someone wanting more than what they already have, someone wanting control of something they don't already control, or someone wanting what someone else already has. I see conflict throughout history as one person having a plot of land with some friends, and seeing another plot of land that a stranger has by himself. Well the guy with friends says... "What's stopping us from having his land? We can grow more crops and make more money." So they go and decide that the land is what they want and it becomes such a driving factor that they take it at whatever cost. And here we are again at war.... SUPER!

Whether or not you agree with me today is really irrelevant because this is how I feel. I do see benefits of competition as long as it's intentions are not to beat people out, monopolize a trade, and become top dawg. Cause like I've stated previously in a different post, life is truly meaningless. You can't control after your death whether the wealth you accumulate on earth goes to someone that is deserving and has worked as hard as you have. So how is life really fair? To tell you the truth, it's not. Just as the idea of the "american dream" will never truly have equal opportunity among all those within America. It's just the way it is.

Well... when I get in a bind like this mentally usually within the next couple of days the bible will have something to say about it. This time around I actually had to look back in some notes that I wrote last week to re-read a passage that really made sense for how I think about money and life.

"...Use wordly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings." (This is Jesus talking)
Luke 16:9

This passage truly sums up how I feel about money and accumulation of wealth at the moment. I know the wealth I accumulate on earth is to a degree meaningless because I'm just going to die, so here Jesus says use your wealth to get closer to people. So when it's gone you will have the eternal bond of friendship and fellowship, or maybe something a little different but that's what I get out of that. And honestly that's how I see, money to me is more of a tool than anything. I can leverage it to gain certain things and to reach out to other people. It can be used to change lives positively or negatively, but it is not to be worshipped because its value is not eternal. This way I know that whatever I accomplish or don't accomplish as a man will not be reflected by the amount of money I accumulate. So why should I put my brother down to gain more than him? We should instead be springboarding off eachother and using eachother to make the best bagel shop possible right? If only people were down for sharing these days...

Keep The Peace

Time.

Oh how time flies...

Prom has already come and gone. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was buying roses and asking someone totally different to prom. This past weekend I've truly realized what fun is about. Fun is really about the moments. It's about freezing time and your thoughts and yourself and the stress and the school and the work and the jobs and the money... you freeze all that just to be a superstar. To be yourself. To be beautiful, or hansom, or to be goofy, or lazy or what have you. Fun starts at the root of just being.

Prom was pretty dope. I love not having any pressure to impress or to fulfill anyone else's night but my own. That night was one of the few times where it was cool to just have what I wanted for once. Being able to chill with some buds and have a cookout then get dressed up and look good to dance the night away is what it should all be about. In the end I'm honestly not gonna remember how I asked my date, and I'm gonna try to forget the fact that I didn't get her a ticket :0... but it's truly the little things I'll never forget.

I wish we didn't make such a big deal about the preparation though. You do all this work and spend all this money, and so many people come away heartbroken because the night didn't seem to be worth the money. Once again kids are realizing first hand that life isn't like the movies (if your criteria for success coincides with societies). I read in the school paper how other countries have a similar thing and have some cultural dances. I think it'd be sick of the USA had a little bit of that. Like everyone knew a latin standard, and waltz, and something else. I think that'd be pretty sick. One day I'm gonna take ballroom dancing. Anyhow I just hope everyone had as good of a time as I did, and if you're a junior and you didn't, just remember to take the pressure off yourself for next year. And this is life stuff people... don't let other people kill your happiness. Whether you're the guy or the girl, this is your moment too, so don't let someone negatively alter a wonderful memory that you deserve to keep for the rest of your life.

firsts

Well... today was a day of firsts. I received my first card in my soccer career today. Today was the first time I've ever been kicked out of a game early because of a foul. Today was the first time I've ever lost my phone. And today was the first time I've ever overslept and have been late to school.

Overall the day started out rough, and it ended even rougher. You know, I'm really trying to keep my head about myself and trying to find some positive but I can't really see it. God's timing is truly impeccable on this one and I'm just trying to remind myself that it's just a test but this one is really inconvenient. I have to miss my last regular season game of my high school career because of today. Sometimes situations just suck and I know a week from now I'll probably be able to look back and laugh hopefully and it'll all be over but for now things are pretty poopy. This just made my prom weekend that much more difficult. But the Lord giveth and the lord taketh away, it was never truly my phone to begin with. So I'll continue to follow, what other choice do I have anyways?

Today was one of those days...

when I just can't get myself to smile.
where I realized that I can't control my fate.
where my all just didn't cut it.
where I fell short of a glory so close.
where my love for the world could not beat out the loss in my heart.
where I won't let myself bring me down.
where the good times were overshadowed by defeat.
where perfect seasons were destroyed.
was one of those days... was one of those days...

Light is only light because there is darkness. We can only appreciate light for what it is because of the existence of darkness. The same applies to victory. We can only appreciate glory because of the existence of shortcomings. Tonight was a test of character lads, though we came up short, I know we have the ability to do great things. I hope I can take something positive from tonight and make a better man of myself.

SB Soccer 9-1.

La Vie En Rose

ya know? I'm in a super good mood right now and I'm usually in at the least a good mood about 90 percent of the time, and lately I've realized that for many people around me they can't truly say the same. Many of my peers spend a lot of energy using their brains to toss back and forth situations in which they can maybe influence at best but are ultimately out of their control. Some people I know spend so much time asking why, when really they should be letting it go and getting on with the next thing. I was at youth group this past week and one of the notes that the speaker highlighted was "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing". This is the probably the most true statement I've ever heard and it applies to each and every one of our lives. As much as you wish that guy could make you smile right now, at this time in your life you may have too much going on within your heart and your mind to truly have a healthy friendship or relationship,so what do you think that guy is going to do to change it? Yea he'll throw some words at you and make you feel good about yourself, but what happens when he's busy or your phone runs outta battery? At the end of the day you're stuck with yourself and we gotta make sure that as humans our aspirations are in the correct place first. All in all I believe that this pivotal point within our lives (especially seniors) should be embraced as a time to really evaluate what's important to us and make some positive steps forward so that we may start to create the person that we want to influence the rest of this world. Many of those that are considered great people of this earth are those that found something within themselves worth chasing after and took hold of it. They had faith that they'd get there and they persevered over any challenges that stood in their way. So what stops us young people from being great today? I thinks it's about time we all start looking within ourselves instead of looking in our parents, our friends, and the media. We have been created with the capacity to do great things, so let's get on it shall we? Find something true to you and make it beautiful.

"La Vie En Rose"


"...Everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Luke 11:10